You’re much stronger than you think 

I’ll be the first to tell you

scissors don’t need to be brought to a wrist

to cut deep

because cutting off your heart from you head,

or yourself from your dreams,

is also enough

to make you bleed

and there’s ink spilled all over these pages,

and at times it seems tears 

are cheaper than water from a spout:

these lines need diluted,

these blots are a dark, dark sea
and maybe I’m not too good at swimming,

even if it’s just through a pool of ink

but I’ve learned if you just keep paddling,
you’re much stronger than you think.

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There’s been a film
Collecting on my bones

The way poetry seems to,

The way love condenses

And spills over;
Unnecessary. 
I’ve been learning to live alone,

Enveloping myself in the 

Emptiness like a moth-eaten quilt

At midnight.
It is safe here,

With the memories

Tucked away, but

I am done with this

Shrapnel,

I am not broken anymore

And I have no intention

Of pleasing you. 
You can break my bones before 

I’ll surrender,

‘Cause I know this ache

This tar of my bloodstream;

Molten flecks of my memories, 

The pieces of you 

I couldn’t stand to keep 

I know this sorrow and I reject it

And this is the monster you’ve been left with:

A girl who will not succumb

To sadness,

Who is no one’s but her own

And belongs to nothing

But her dreams.
And for the first time,

I feel invincible.

Depression

Those demons in your head. Questioning your choices, pointing out your every misstep.
Laughing at your pain. 
Those never ending voices.
‘Your worthless!“
“Who cares about you…?‘ 
”… Loser.!“ 
‘Stupid!“ 
The poker face that you wear everyday, the largest smiles. The longest chuckles, and the loudest laughs.
A mask, an endless inner battle, an almost seamless facade. You wouldn’t guess that they struggle, fighting against the urge to just end it. 
To give up.
To be done. 
Or how hard it is to get up in the morning. Why even bother?
The brightest, most positive person in the room may very well be sobbing on the inside. Full of sadness. 
Disgust. 
Worthlessness. 
The internet can make it so much worse. 
Inboxes full of hateful annons. 
Adding to the spiteful thoughts swirling around in your brain. 
No one to take responsibility, No one to stand up to or blame. 
Almost as bad as the silence, That feeling of invisibility. 

Wanting to reach out, but not appear needy.
Sure, meds are there but they don’t help. Not in the real way.
Feeling numb is accepted as a cure. How did that happen? 
People just want to feel BETTER.
Happier. 
Appreciated.
Accepted.
So please, keep this in mind, for as long as you can. 
When you’re walking around school or work or just hanging with a friend.
Talk to them,
Hug them, 
Show them how much they mean to you. 
Put in the effort, before it all ends. 
You can make a difference. Just be the best you, 
make small differences.
Smile more,
Listen more.
Stray away from the hate. Treat people as souls, not just based on their masks. And people will take notice. 
Hell, they might even change. 
Let’s start revolution one person at a time. 
All it takes is mere minutes. 
Let’s all make a difference, make somebody’s day. 
Embrace compassion.
Maybe even save a few lives. 
And if you, The one reading this. Is going through all of this.
The voices,
the hate, 
the longing for it to just be over. 
I just want to let you know on behalf of all of your friends and family, every single person that you have touched in some way, 
Just in case they have been quiet, 
Or if you don’t have anyone supporting you, 
You’re an amazing individual. 
You are strong as hell and most certainly not alone in this scenario. 
You matter,
People do care,
Everyone makes mistakes,
You will get through this. 
And I am here to listen whenever those voices or feelings get to be too much.

When you have that urge to hide away, berate yourself, and cry.
To help you through those hiccups in the road-I swear to you. I’ll stop what I’m doing, and we can talk it through.
When you need a friend I will happily be here, quick to your side.
Waiting to hear from you, daring you to smile when you’re going through hell. 

To distract you from those demons hidden in your head, and point out just how great you are.
So you right there,staring at this screen,
Contemplating some really hard stuff.
I’m right here, cheering you on.
Now I just have one more thing to say,
You are going to win this battle. Just don’t you dare give up!

Under the stars 

When I was young I could only imagine death , my obsession grew and I lay awake at night surrounded in darkness imagining nothing, no one really to talk to or explain it all to me. So I filled this blank dark space with stars, and each star was alive with someone I cared about, and slowly as I grew older the stars started to fill up and there was no blank space or stars, and as people filtered into my life only to leave again yet again I fill the black sky thinking of death as I always do, and I see stars and light shining way above me. And the silence you ask? well I simply fill that with music, so much music, sad songs, happy songs, strange songs, noises that fill every sense of your soul, and leaves you thinking, IF I am truly alone, how can someone create something that sings to my soul?

See there is never darkness around you, how could you possibly see the darkness if there was never any light? And tell me this if it is so quiet, if you too are alone with no one to talk too like me, no one to reach out too – tell me why there is a song in your head soothing your soul, some forgotten gem that drifts into your mind. IF you truly fear the dark why can a stunning sunset draw a tear to your eye, we cannot possibly never hurt, or cry, parts of us will die inside, the other parts they will fight for you, there is no tomorrow for any of us nothing in life is certain, but we have today and we have right now, and the ability within that not one of us can measure until it is needed.

The day maybe drawing to a close, you may like me be frustrated by it all, thinking what have I achieved, what have I done, I can answer without asking, you have lived today, you are breathing and that is inspirational in itself.

 There is hope in living, however strained it is there, there are stars to guide you and music to love you, hope can consume you. Maybe Idealistic maybe not, what is certain is you have the here and now, and you will have love, and you will find that place, go gently forward because the past is not something you can change, but the future is yours to shape.

Now

“Laying alone with the history that made you cold and uncertain inside. Careful now, deep breath, the water’s still rising. But your silver lining’s in sight.”

What could of been, should of been, might of been?

What you see, what you think, whats real, and whats not.

Confusion, peace, despair, hope, anger, sadness, happiness.

If only this. If only that. Just to go back. Just to move forward.

But stop.

There is here. There is now. There is you and nothing else.

My thoughts pull me under and I reach for you to pull me up. You deliver me from myself and provide the easy silence I need, the comfort and protection.

Never fooling me into believing its over or going to be easy, but just promising yourself, never for me to be alone.

Hope

There are times when one loses hope. When one just stands there, for a single moment, and stares. Just stares out into the horizon, looking and looking, almost as if waiting for something to come. But it never comes. They stand there, they watch, and they wait, and they are disappointed. No one is exactly sure what keeps giving them hope, or enough courage to stand there another time, but something does. Something, deep down, reaches up into their mind and says, wait again, it will come. So they wait because that’s what the voice told them to do, that’s what their feelings say, and they keep waiting. Some wait all of their life, without ever getting what they want. Others, the voice just stops trying, stops telling them to go back and look, they just stop. And some, never get there at all. 

Is it wrong for them to have that hope? To dream that dream that one day, whatever they are looking for will finally come? Maybe it is wrong, maybe they have been misled, and misjudged, and they don’t know what they are truly supposed to do anymore, but its never wrong to them. That hope that they lost, maybe it wasn’t really lost at all. Maybe it just settled down for awhile, itself also waiting, for the day when it is supposed to come back. Maybe its going to come back, but that body that they inhabit doesn’t last long enough for its return. 

Sometimes people stand there, and while they are looking, they give up. For a fraction of a second, they stand there, and they think to themselves, “Its not going to happen,” and then that’s the end. Sometimes that one person, standing, and all alone, is too alone to keep going. That their giving up has nothing to do with who they are, or what they want, or what they can do, but has everything to do with the fact of how strong they are when they stand alone, and wait. Sometimes one loses hope, but is it our place to say whether or not they get it back again?

Everything & everyone

Everything you take for granted is a blessing. Everything you fear is a friend in disguise.

Everything you want is a part of you. Everything you hate you hate about yourself. Everything you own does not define you. Everything you feel is the only Truth there is to know.

Everything you wish for is already on its way to you. Everything you think creates your life. Everything you seek for you will find. Everything you resist will stick around. Everything you let go of stays if it’s supposed to. Everything you need is right where you are.

Every time you bless another you bless yourself. Every time you blame another you lose your power. Every time you think you can, you can. Every time you fall you must get up and try again. Every time you cry you’re one tear closer to joy. Every time you ask for forgiveness, all you have to do is forgive yourself.

Everyone you see is your reflection. Everyone you know mirrors you. Everyone wants to be happy. Everyone wants to live in joy. Everyone seeks a higher purpose. Everyone breathes the same breath. Everyone needs love to survive. Everyone has a purpose to fulfill.

Everyone’s the same as everyone else. We just get caught up in labels, names, skin color and religion. Everyone’s the same as everyone else. No one wants to feel the pain. Everyone’s the same as everyone else. Everyone is dying for love to remain.