Protected: I want to love you

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take. take. take.

i’ll allow you to burrow holes into me,

if you need a place to feel safe and warm

but remember to give something back.

i don’t want to be left with nothing again.

because i don’t want to be nothing

again.

You’re much stronger than you think 

I’ll be the first to tell you

scissors don’t need to be brought to a wrist

to cut deep

because cutting off your heart from you head,

or yourself from your dreams,

is also enough

to make you bleed

and there’s ink spilled all over these pages,

and at times it seems tears 

are cheaper than water from a spout:

these lines need diluted,

these blots are a dark, dark sea
and maybe I’m not too good at swimming,

even if it’s just through a pool of ink

but I’ve learned if you just keep paddling,
you’re much stronger than you think.

Un

Unplanned.

Unprepared.

Unnoticed.

Unwanted.

Unloved.

Unable.

Unaccepted.

Unused.

Unacknowledged.

Unappealing.

Unbeknown…

Un un un.

It seems to make me.

I’m always un.

But it’s these un’s that make me stronger too.

I will become unstoppable,

as the years go on.

And come out unbloodied,

in the fight of life.

I, along with everyone else,

just have to go though some unfortunate things,

before we can unbarricade these walls,

and become open to the world.

We just have to remember,

be unbashful,

unbox our feelings and opinions,

and uncap the inspiration and intelligence,

that I KNOW we all have inside us.
Live on,
and do it proudly.

Imagine That

Imagine that you are made of stars.
A hundred million tiny points of light that make you more beautiful than anyone else. Imagine that, all at once, you are in every wonderful place in the world. Everything looks like cupcakes and sounds like your favourite song. Imagine that you are everything you ever wanted to be and that there is no such thing as happiness because you never need to feel anything other than perfectly, beautifully content like those blissful moments between sex and sleep. Imagine that all around you, existence swirls by like golden autumnal leaves that have been snatched up for a waltz by the breeze. Imagine that all the best moments of your life are pieced together to create everything that is happening to you. Imagine being able to feel the binds of his restraints around your wrists with the taste of his skin on your tongue. Imagine that every time you breathe, it smells of him and every time you blink, his slow smile spreads across the insides of your eyelids. Imagine that you don’t know how to do anything other than be in love.

Imagine that, one at a time, all of the stars are extinguished and you start to fade away. Imagine that, as quickly as your heart can beat, a sparkling star becomes a flake of ash that falls and drifts away from you. Imagine that all of the beauty surrounding you disintegrates into itself until it becomes a mass of liquid nothingness at your feet. Imagine a stillness so silent that you wonder how anything could ever have been real. Imagine the fear you feel as you realize that you are losing yourself . You are left alone, in an almost-dark space staring into a pool of everything that you once had but didn’t deserve, knowing that it could only have been a matter of time before fate realized its mistake. Imagine that you are staring at what should have been forever, wishing on the last few stars that are left that this is just a dream, and wondering how it is possible for one person to be this broken.

Spilled Ink

Use me

Like a pen uses ink 

Beautiful. Original. Interminable.

Write until your heart is spilled completely on the page for me to 

EXAMINE

Until there is no ink left 

To write with…

Write to me about love and tragedy and painfully gorgeous moments 

Hand in hand.

Flesh on flesh.

Mouth on mouth.

Love & sin.

Free

There’s been a film
Collecting on my bones

The way poetry seems to,

The way love condenses

And spills over;
Unnecessary. 
I’ve been learning to live alone,

Enveloping myself in the 

Emptiness like a moth-eaten quilt

At midnight.
It is safe here,

With the memories

Tucked away, but

I am done with this

Shrapnel,

I am not broken anymore

And I have no intention

Of pleasing you. 
You can break my bones before 

I’ll surrender,

‘Cause I know this ache

This tar of my bloodstream;

Molten flecks of my memories, 

The pieces of you 

I couldn’t stand to keep 

I know this sorrow and I reject it

And this is the monster you’ve been left with:

A girl who will not succumb

To sadness,

Who is no one’s but her own

And belongs to nothing

But her dreams.
And for the first time,

I feel invincible.

Break.

“but please don’t make me,not anymore.”

the faucet’s leaking out my soul tonight,

i think i’m drowning in old memories

that i forgot i had,

so do you think you could tell me

if my face has turned violet yet?

i’ve been weaving words into my skin,

but every time i sit down and let the nothingness

wash over me, it seems as if there’s too many words

in my head

for there to ever be anything left

to say.

my favorite color’s always been the opposite

of whoever’s sitting next to me,

and once i say “i’ll do it”

i can never bring myself to sit down,

think,

and actually see it through,

no matter how much i want to.

i’m not who i used to be, you see,

i was something too hard to comprehend, i overwhelmed.

parts of me don’t know who they are, but

you seem to keep me tied down

just enough

for me to fly without

flying away.
(awayawayaway.)

“come back now, please,”

i yell across the cushion clouds,

but you’re lost inside your own contradictions,

and i’m starting to wonder if there’s nothing i can do

to save you, anymore.

i’m afraid of causing

more trouble than i’m worth,

because i know that once i find a place where i can let go,

i never can pull myself back in and i always end up

making a mess on the floor of

black and blue and “i hate you”s,

and you’re too beautiful

for me.

say goodbye before hello,

it would be nice to stir things up.

and i’m afraid that because of where you come from,

you won’t ever be able to break

the padlock that’s been put on your soul, and be what i need.

(ineediwantiloveyou.)

i’ll show you everything, 

i’ll be there when you fly,

i’ll be the thing that rips away your petty chains and tells you to just go and go and go.

because it’s okay to hate yourself some times.

Depression

Those demons in your head. Questioning your choices, pointing out your every misstep.
Laughing at your pain. 
Those never ending voices.
‘Your worthless!“
“Who cares about you…?‘ 
”… Loser.!“ 
‘Stupid!“ 
The poker face that you wear everyday, the largest smiles. The longest chuckles, and the loudest laughs.
A mask, an endless inner battle, an almost seamless facade. You wouldn’t guess that they struggle, fighting against the urge to just end it. 
To give up.
To be done. 
Or how hard it is to get up in the morning. Why even bother?
The brightest, most positive person in the room may very well be sobbing on the inside. Full of sadness. 
Disgust. 
Worthlessness. 
The internet can make it so much worse. 
Inboxes full of hateful annons. 
Adding to the spiteful thoughts swirling around in your brain. 
No one to take responsibility, No one to stand up to or blame. 
Almost as bad as the silence, That feeling of invisibility. 

Wanting to reach out, but not appear needy.
Sure, meds are there but they don’t help. Not in the real way.
Feeling numb is accepted as a cure. How did that happen? 
People just want to feel BETTER.
Happier. 
Appreciated.
Accepted.
So please, keep this in mind, for as long as you can. 
When you’re walking around school or work or just hanging with a friend.
Talk to them,
Hug them, 
Show them how much they mean to you. 
Put in the effort, before it all ends. 
You can make a difference. Just be the best you, 
make small differences.
Smile more,
Listen more.
Stray away from the hate. Treat people as souls, not just based on their masks. And people will take notice. 
Hell, they might even change. 
Let’s start revolution one person at a time. 
All it takes is mere minutes. 
Let’s all make a difference, make somebody’s day. 
Embrace compassion.
Maybe even save a few lives. 
And if you, The one reading this. Is going through all of this.
The voices,
the hate, 
the longing for it to just be over. 
I just want to let you know on behalf of all of your friends and family, every single person that you have touched in some way, 
Just in case they have been quiet, 
Or if you don’t have anyone supporting you, 
You’re an amazing individual. 
You are strong as hell and most certainly not alone in this scenario. 
You matter,
People do care,
Everyone makes mistakes,
You will get through this. 
And I am here to listen whenever those voices or feelings get to be too much.

When you have that urge to hide away, berate yourself, and cry.
To help you through those hiccups in the road-I swear to you. I’ll stop what I’m doing, and we can talk it through.
When you need a friend I will happily be here, quick to your side.
Waiting to hear from you, daring you to smile when you’re going through hell. 

To distract you from those demons hidden in your head, and point out just how great you are.
So you right there,staring at this screen,
Contemplating some really hard stuff.
I’m right here, cheering you on.
Now I just have one more thing to say,
You are going to win this battle. Just don’t you dare give up!