I.

I see this light.

It’s the most beautiful thing in my life and I want to bask in it’s glory. Absorb it’s rays into my imperfect skin and let it radiate from my fast pacing heart. Shining and beaming on anyone that comes near me, letting me be the person I want to be, and help others and be with others like I’ve always wanted.

But then, I realize,

I’m not allowed to touch it.

I can only see it in my mind.
A bird of sorts, staring at me with it’s black eyes with a straight expression. Unafraid, and yet, aware.
And as I try to approach it’s wonder,

It flees.

It leaves me alone here in the dark, gray, concrete
Forever.
I never escape, it just taunts me with it’s sheer freedom. Just the fact that it has the ability to fly elsewhere beckons at me with jealousy.

Cut off it’s wings.

A sudden impulse.
This feeling… what is this? I don’t understand…

Cut off it’s wings. Use them yourself.

I’m scared.
I don’t want to do anything like that. Why am I thinking these things? It never did anything to me…

Cut off it’s wings. Use them yourself. Get out of this hell hole.

I can’t leave this way.
What am I doing?
Why are these scissors in my hands?
I throw them to the side, deep where I can never find them, and the ebony eyed bird leaves once again.

Cut off it’s wings. Use them yourself. Get out of this hell hole.

Leave

These impulses, they almost invade my mind. Almost in a way to where I feel like I can’t control what I’m doing, even though I’m doing nothing.
Frozen, in time and in thought.
Scared, motionless in pure fear of myself and for those around me.

I open my eyes.
I’m sitting at my window.
The sun is heating up my stiff arms on the windowsill.
Birds are chirping in the distance.
My hand touches the cold surface of glass.

I’m trapped
And
Alone again.

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2 thoughts on “I.

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