Anticipation.

some secrets are darker than others a dirty black monster sleeps under my covers

and swims in my blood

I would tell you, show you

but I’m bound and gagged

simply all tied up

Who knew this not so innocent 

plain jane doted on such pleasurable pain?

a terrible violation

unforgivable or exceptional 

exploration

whose sensation is satisfied?

hunger in my throat – fear in my gut – guilt in my chest

because the cold word stirs a warms ocean

Am I a victim?

Are these confidential leather wonderments 

just self-harming punishments?

The breeding ground for 

the worst kind of men?

there is no excuse for them

yet I invite the abuse in
How can I be free if he controls me?

How can I ever love when hate drives my sex?

How can I ask him to play a game so violent?
Because

nothing is as intimate 

as to let

your partner get to have all of you

with and without your permission

nothing is as good 

when he makes the rules

physical love expressed in the shadows of 

pure need

trust

respect 

unapologetically

vanilla sure is sweet

but

my body craves the licorice whip

sweet stinging slap as sharp as my breath

slow lingering loss of air makes

Heaven clear

I’m heavy and fingertips pulsing

Tormented and teased and choked

I’ll float away.

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