.. The one where you just need to feel someone’s hand around your throat. Or in your hair. Or on your face.
Yes.. the sting & shock as their palm collides with your face.
When you just want to feel a forceful kiss upon your lips. Some harsh words whispered in your ear.
When all you can think about is being forced to the floor, not because the floor holds some unknown appeal, but because that’s how low you need to feel. As though it’s the only place you deserve.
The need to feel leather bruising your skin.. or skin, or hands, or fists.
That desire to feel completely used, uncared for.. Maybe even cast aside once your done with.
When the most appealing thought in your mind is that of being abused.. degraded & humiliated.
To feel fear. Real, mind rendering fear at what might happen to you. To be so frightened you can’t speak, you just comply.
When all you want is to feel warm tears running down your face & the burn in your chest as you realise how much what’s happening is hurting you. Hurting you physically. Paining you mentally and making your heart ache.
To feel so low.. That when it’s all over you’ll finally be able to feel better? Better than you did before it started. Because it’s what you need, it’s what you crave?
Despite the fact that I’ve not recovered yet from the last time It’s what I feel right now.