Unfinished, Maybe

I am so brittle, so fragile, so dismantled beyond repair.Everything i thought i was is lost without the safety of your abuse. I lusted for your passion, just a little of your anger. 

I never realized how easy it is to love with someone who will never love you back. The pain in your eyes and in my soul was the most secure i ever felt.

Pain is consistent… happiness is inconsistent… we fight to survive.

Your anger and your walls only kept giving me reason to keep trying.

I would keep reaching until the death of me.
But how could you discredit me? after all the suffering i threw away to make you smile, after all the smiles i glued together even after you ripped them away from me…

Even after the tears you forced out me on the nights when the stars used to shine.

I don’t look at the night anymore because i know- i know you’re living without me. i know that even though i’m miserable you’re still breathing.

I know that there will never be another moment like the screeching perfection of August. I know there will never be another of what I had. 

It’s not enough just to be angry. it’s not enough just to be broken. it’s not enough just to be foolish. it’s not enough just to be lonely.

Its only the constant, dull aching that reminds me i’m still clinging, still alive.