Use Me

Nobody else will

Use me to clean your scars

Or to simply

Make more

Use me

When it’s convenient for you

I’ll be here waiting

To be used

Use me

Until your heart’s content

Until there’s nothing left

Use me

As your punching bag

Or imaginary friend

I’ll exist when you want me to

And I won’t when you don’t

Use me

Because I have no use for me

And you at least,

Pretend you do

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I’m sorry.

I’m sorry i let you down. I’m sorry that i failed you in every possible way. I’m sorry i left. I’m sorry that i did  the things i have done. I’m sorry that i look the way i do. I’m sorry for the way i speak. I’m sorry for my beliefs. I’m sorry for thinking i was standing up for myself but in reality i was just being argumentative bitch. I’m sorry i embarrassed you. I’m sorry that you wasted so much of your precious time on me. I’m sorry i’m so young and naive. I’m sorry that i made you feel old. I’m sorry that i couldn’t grow up enough. I’m sorry for being afraid. I’m sorry for not wanting to face the reality. I’m sorry i almost got the pup killed. I’m sorry i quit so much. I’m sorry i gave up on me. I’m sorry for trusting you. I’m sorry for expecting too much. I’m sorry for gaining weight. I’m sorry for thinking the past was the past. I’m sorry for being so damn stupid. I’m sorry i got too close. I’m sorry for liking my hair dark instead of blonde. I’m sorry that i am so independant. I’m sorry that friendship to me is most important. I’m sorry that i am on this site writing all these sorrys instead of saying them to those who they are directed at. I’m sorry that i thought it was okay to leave her behind. I’m sorry for all the trips i’ve taken. I’m sorry that i’ve thought so much about suicide and plan it all the time. I’m sorry that i have not yet taken my life. I’m sorry that i am in this limbo. I’m sorry i turned my back on God. I’m sorry for letting Him. I’m sorry for painting my fingernails red when you don’t like it. I’m sorry i stopped wearing skirts. I’m sorry that i didn’t answer your calls. I’m sorry for being so obsessed with the sheets. I’m sorry that i go quiet. I’m sorry that i wander too much. I’m sorry for watching Audrey instead of the news. I’m sorry for always being late. I’m sorry for losing my mind. I’m sorry that i am not good enough. I am sorry that i am me. I’m sorry for everything that makes me me. I’m sorry i couldn’t change enough – oh sorry i meant not at all.

I am so sorry.